Choose your worry

By SOCH Business Mentors LLP Posted March 19, 2024 in Family business

Choose your worry

A 1938 EST, Indian family business in Malaysia that later shifted base to Singapore, and for 78+ years now, they are enjoying the finest what life with prosperity and family with love can offer.  

The chairman of this company has been working on his chairman transformation program for over 9 months.  

In a recent program engagement, where I was helping him to own himself more and envision from the unthinkable, he repeatedly asked – What do I imply when I urge him to be worried like hell or accept that his true peace and heaven will be taken away? 

I respond to them with this: 

Concentrating on our present feelings, concerns, beliefs, emotional comfort, egos, obligations, and opportunities severely restricts our future potential. 

Unknowingly, we give up our dreams and long-term true desires by responding only to present difficulties, benefits, self-perception, and discomfort.  

The concept of shaping the future lies in today’s decisions and actions.  

Essentially, it overrules today’s pain (comfort) with the emotions of significance the future holds. If, as a family, you have considered and got space in your consciousness for securing an abundant future for the next 300 years, then you would let go of all present constraints and go all in to build that future.  

You would not consider any energy constraint – time, money, emotion, pain, or comfort. It is just something you have developed kindness for to create all the uncomfortable responses needed today. 

The concern about being nice can be risky, whereas aiming to be kind consistently leads us to make the right choices. Some leaders question me why being nice is a true enemy, to which my response is simple: everything

When striving for a meaningful future, being nice can hinder progress, but kindness always bags me with faith, calmness, and readiness to give up my false comforts, excuses and stories. If I seek someone pleasant and agreeable to assist in shaping that future, there’s a significant risk of losing it entirely. 

We enter into many relationships in life where we want somebody to like us. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, the idea behind a relationship can be far more worthy and honourable to both when you ask: 

“Does this relationship add true value to my life?” 

“Do I add value to this person’s life?” 

In our work, during a sales call and in business relationships, the goal isn’t to be “nice” but to see if you can add value to the person’s life. 

Being nice is not a value. 
Being kind is a value. 

Please understand that “Nice” is more of an attitude. It’s a mask that people put on momentarily to cover up whatever they might be experiencing at the time so that they don’t end up in confrontation. 

Most of the times, the key driver behind being nice is to ‘appear good’ 

Being “nice” could be an extremely misguiding process that is also used by many to get their work done.  

In a business context, you must be able to evaluate another person’s character. You can end up in trouble if you don’t know how to evaluate an individual’s abilities and character and focus on how “nice” they’re being. 

In a business conversation, sales conversation, or other professional conversation, like with a doctor, psychiatrist, or coach, it doesn’t matter whether or not you like us. That’s not why we’re in business. 

We’re in business to help you get a result.
If you like us based on that, that’s fine. 

But the first value we’re going for is not whether you’ll like us. It’s whether or not we can make a difference in your life. 

Ideally, you’re picking me not because you like me but based on whether I add value to your problem. 

I’m not saying you should show up as a jerk. You can be kind in your sales calls, and it’s appropriate. 

But sometimes, you have to be confrontational or direct in these conversations. I frequently have to be confrontational. 

I have to be confrontational for many of my clients (especially owners of large companies).  

Attorneys and doctors must be confrontational with their clients. That doesn’t mean you can’t also be kind. Being confrontational itself comes when you care enough about the larger goal of the family business or the individual, and you want to help them choose what is right for them and that kindness. 

Sometimes, kind is being confrontational.
We’re not there to waste time.  

A client conversation can be direct and to the point while also being kind. It is the client who really cares, and if he cares beyond the ego or pampered niceties, then he will understand the value you are truly adding like no one else. 

Thus, imagine you are considering a choice that would take you closer to 300 years of prosperity, wealth, happiness, meaning, significance and love.  

If you are truly kind to those yet-to-be-born children of your generations down the line, who would look back and thank you for the choice you made today, then that would mean, in the present context, you may get confrontational with yourself.  

This means that you need to abandon the niceness of today to commit to building that future and get square with investments of various energies it would ask of you to give today.  

Thus, our worry about whether we get confrontational and be kind in the future or stay nice; otherwise, we may disturb the current comfort is the worry to choose. 

Your worry defines destiny for you. Trust this: You are not getting any closer to that future when your decisions confirm the worry of today or the needs, pain, and constraints of today.  

A highly humble and intelligent choice is never to believe in your feelings. Don’t do a disservice to your existence, for god sake, by checking your tummy for that feeling you must have before you make that decision on the table to fly towards the future you truly want but are afraid of demand from you to have actions that you are too lazy or simply afraid of or worse ignorant to. 


We live in a postmodern society where feelings are supposedly the be-all-and-end-all.  But the truth is that most feelings are temporary, and they can be misleading and even deceptive to our plans and rational beliefs. 

Wise and intelligent people know that strong feelings are a separate category from factual truth, not necessarily overlapping. They don’t confuse the two.  

Because they care about what’s true much more than what they wish were true (or that would make them feel better if it were true). 

So, I have seen many individuals call their better half a soulmate only to find them drifting a million miles apart, and with it, gone the age of creating happiness, meaning, and enriching fun.  

Reason: Their soulmate-ness is nothing but a feeling in the stomach. They check this feeling, which is so strong, and they make themselves believe that he or she is my soulmate.  

When I inquire about the last time they shared heartfelt truths with their partner, the usual response is silence accompanied by a quiet, muffled voice. 

I always emphasize that a soulmate is not just a feeling but a deep connection of shared conscience with your loved one. 

If I am not ready or willing for any reason but do not share my conscience, then I lie to myself about love. It is not love. It is anything but love.  

Without a shared conscience, there is no soulmate. Likewise, certain leaders assess their feelings and emotions before investing in financial resources for their future of significance. 

This is a trap.  

Discovering a feeling to guide a decision is like crafting a narrative to rationalize one’s fears before pursuing a goal. Leaders should not rely on feelings or emotions when making decisions—true leadership goes beyond that. 

Their quest for a gut feeling before committing is not a genuine expression of love. I have advised numerous individuals against relying on this method as it disrespects your call of spirit to build that future, and it dismissively disregards your real potential. 

Make decisions in the present, considering solely the future that you want from your soul (your dreams, your family’s legacy of success and identity, and so on). You will get the courage and steadiness in the present while focusing on bringing the future you desire; that future will materialize. 

Our worries about today will always compromise the possibility of tomorrow.  

Yes, it is hard. But this is exactly why hard choices today makes easy tomorrow but easy choices today will make really hard future. 

Linking your future to your decisions today might make handling current challenges and emotional distress difficult. However, by doing so, you are gradually moving closer to that envisioned future. 

 Thus, choose the right worry.  

Choosing the worries of that future or decisions based solely on current circumstances can lead to years of missed satisfaction, peace, pride, happiness, and joy. 

Selecting kindness may seem obvious, yet we often find ourselves swayed. I trust this article will spark heartfelt, straightforward, and fulfilling discussions with your family, the person you see in the mirror, or both. 

For your family’s enduring success and aspiration of lasting prosperity, pour your heart into the present moment for creating the future which you want and counts.