You need to ask yourself set of clear questions:
Whose life are you living?
If it is the life where your truths of what you want to be, do, or have, exists in reality then you are living your life otherwise you are living a life of some kind of societal nonsense.
Societal reference includes living for parents, or in-laws, and/or living for assumed and/or perceived norms of you otherwise been called as bad and not nice!
And of course, the more you defend saying no it is not societal but your choice – the lesser it will hurt you. So, you continue not only defending but finding pride even in being so, and for that, you keep doing so. But you know that you are broken inside, or you know you would soon be and in long run, you know that it is going to hurt you irreparably.
So, again, whose life are you living? If truth is not yours. To move forward ask yourself, how willing are you to create the life you want to be, do, and have?
Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.
To shift your energy to what you can create – find courage to say yes to you for yourself. There are places in your heart where you are not moving in the direction of love, fulfillment, happiness but compliance and mainly for the title of you being nice. There is no greater thing in life you would show up with any greater courage than for the place you want to create you say yes to your truths.
Don’t be dishonest here. Be honest to acknowledge, accept and own your truths about what you want to be, do and have.
While I was living in London, every autumn, during my walk to the tube station when dawn is just about to come, there fall a leaf from the tallest of tall trees all around…. and I walk watching every leaf fall, I realise that there is something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.
You can learn from these experts that if you are honest loads of bullshit will simply fall. Loads of must haves, have-to, should, otherwise, could, or-else, if then, but-if, since-they-did, and similar honest dishonesty will fall on it own weight. Let it. Let go.
Again, remind yourself, ‘courage is in saying yes to myself’.
Remember: Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
When you choose love you are doing a favor to the entire world. Because love alone can keep on making you and keeping you alive even in darkness. So, when you say yes to yourself for your truths you are letting love flow and its magic flows in every cell of your heart to pump energy of love infuse constantly and permanently.
Finally, who is running away from your choices?
If it’s not you but some version of you to hang on to comfort of not-living-the-truth then let go of this old version of you.
Have faith that the ‘true you’ is timeless. Give up your versions by saying yes to yourself.
Disallow yourself to think on this much. It is in that heart’s pulse you decide to awaken and come alive by choosing love and all you ever wanted to be, do, and have is already here for you to embrace.